I work at a biscuit factory, which isn't as yummy as it sounds. Back when I started working there, I foolishly thought I'd get to sample the biscuits and perhaps even take some home. Fat chance. I don't get to even sniff the biscuits (unless I've been sent down to the shop floor on an errand and the smell is in the air) and the only biscuits I get to eat are the bag of broken biscuits I receive at Christmas each year. But don't feel too sorry for me - that bag of broken biscuits comes complete with a shiny red festive ribbon.
I started working at the biscuit factory five years ago. Five long years ago. Back then I was just 22 and it was only my second job. This job was going to be the start of my career. I had a Level 2 NVQ behind me now, after all.
Except it didn't quite work out like that. I started off as an office junior and in those five years, I've jumped up to 'Office Administrator'. Which has the same role as the office junior but with a slight pay increase. The worst bit is, because I'm doing the jobs of the office junior (i.e. every crappy job going that nobody else wants to do), there was no need to hire a new junior and so I'm still on the bottom rung of the biscuit factory office.
The biscuit factory is a family-run business, with Neville Brinkley running the show as MD. Then there's his wife Denise who takes care of the accounts and the Brinkley offspring, Katey-Louise and Jasper. Then there's Neville's brother and his wife, George and Kim who take care of Sales & Marketing and Purchasing. Jasper is supposed to look after the IT while Katey-Louise is a bit of a floater (if you're picturing a turd floating in the toilet, you're spot on). Her duties include tweeting, catching up with friends on Facebook and wasting hours on Candy Crush.
I don't like Katey-Louise. Let's just get that out there now. She's a bitch. She wouldn't have the job if Daddy wasn't the MD. She's useless but that doesn't stop her acting superior. She knows she can't - or won't - be sacked so she spends her days being lazy and nasty. Being the only non-family member in the office, I seem to bear the brunt.
So the office isn't always the best place to be but I have to be grateful that I've got a job at all, I suppose. And I do have fun with the guys down on the shop floor (who don't like Katey-Louise either, which is hardly surprising when you learn she has nicknamed them 'The Oompa Loompas'). Whenever I'm bored (which is a lot) or Katey-Louise is doing my head in (which is even more often), I'll find an excuse to slip down to the shop floor and have a brew with the girls. They're a great bunch and I don't know how I'd get through the working day without them.
